Gay. Parents. In Portland? OMG.
Of course...
The Seattle Times recently did an expose on gay parents. The below story happens to be from here in good ol' Portland.
At 24, Hank Cattell has a black belt in tae kwan do and is studying public health at Portland State University. He grew up in West Seattle before moving at age 12 to Portland, where his mother, Mary Schutten, and her partner, Cathryn Cushing, merged families, an arrangement Cattell calls "alternative-lifestyle Brady Bunch."
THE STRESS had nothing to do with having two moms. It was living with two other children my age. I had been an only child. Maybe I was a little spoiled. We fought a lot over the usual stupid things: television, food, whatever. We went to family counseling, which was really helpful.
At school, people would say, "They're your sisters?" I would be like, "Yeah, well, they're my mom's lesbian lover's children." I enjoyed the shock value. Once they figure out I am serious, they're curious as to how I was born, if I'm a test-tube baby or something.
My mom was married to my dad. They got divorced (when I was 2), and my mom is a lesbian. Mom had a few different relationships with various women who I still really like. It's like I have lots of aunts. If there wasn't a stigma attached to it, it never would have been an issue for me at all.
I had a very normal childhood. My mom raised me (to believe) some people are gay, some are straight, it doesn't really matter. It took awhile to realize there are people who don't like homosexuals.
Middle school was extremely unpleasant. My mom decided to send me to a private Lutheran school. In seventh grade, one of my teachers would talk about homosexuality and how it's a sin. I was Methodist at the time; my mom and I would go to church every Sunday. I really believed, then. I couldn't imagine my mom going to hell. That really hurt me. It seemed utterly ridiculous that God would create someone in such a way and then punish them for being just who they are.
I started arguing with the teacher and the other students. I didn't actually tell them my mom was gay. The other kids would ask me if I was gay. I'd say I know people who are gay and they're really good people. I told my mom, and she took me out immediately. I went to Meany Middle School, which was very comfortable, very cool.
My dad is not very involved. I'd see him once or twice a year. I haven't seen him since I graduated from high school, but we talk on the phone. A lack of connection more than any kind of dislike. My mom had five brothers, so I have lots of uncles, and I had a "Big Brother" who I saw every week for years. It is good to have role models, but I don't think that has to mean a biological father or stepfather. I do notice a difference between myself and other guys. For one thing, I've always been more comfortable around women than other guys are. For a long time, I didn't have many guy friends. Whenever guys would joke about wanting to have sex with a woman or make crude remarks, that always made me uncomfortable. I think guys bond a lot with that kind of stuff. I never really liked sports. That doesn't have anything to do with my mom. My mom loves sports. Now, it's not difficult to have male friends because there's a much wider array of interests.
I was really excited when gay marriage temporarily became legal here. My mom and Cathryn were married by a judge in the courthouse downtown. For me, marriage is society acknowledging your union, and I think that's beautiful even if you're not religious. I don't understand people that have such animosity toward homosexuals. If they knew my mom and Cathryn, they could easily change their mind. If your parents are gay, it's a blessing because you'll have more freedom to explore your own sexuality. I never felt nervous about telling my mom who I was attracted to. She always said whoever you choose to be with, I'll support that - just as long as they're good enough for you!
I remember as a kid, being attracted to both boys and girls. For the most part, I wanted to be nothing but straight, just because it's easier. I accepted I was bisexual when I was 16. It was actually my first long-term relationship with a girl, and she never had any problem with it; she's bisexual, too. Since then, I've had some terrible experiences when I've told friends because they think I'm gay and I don't know it.
My mom is always ready and willing with lots of advice and support, though sometimes talking about issues of sex with my mom makes me uncomfortable. Not because she's weird about it - just because she's my mom!
Read the entire piece over @ The Seattle Times.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, April 03, 2007 at 10:18 PM.
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ByThis article was good for me to read, because I'm a bisexual guy too, and I wasn't really able to fully accept it and come out with it until I got together with my bisexual girlfriend (at age 22!). I definitely wish I had been able to fully accept my bisexuality earlier in life, since it's definitely been the case for as long as I can remember. Then again, I didn't exactly have the most caring environment, and I know that if I had tried to come out when I was growing up, I would have had to go through a lot more shit than I already did. I grew up in a small town in Oregon where the predominant culture taught that being gay was a perverted and bad thing to be, and hardly anybody thought any different (a few people did). Amongst kids at school, it was maybe OK for girls to go through a 'bisexual phase', since lots of guys found it hot, but not to be a real lesbian, and there was definitely no room for a guy to be gay, and it was almost like bisexual guys didn't even exist as a concept. There was a part of me that has always been completely aware and comfortable with the fact that I am bisexual, but it has taken a long time for that part to come to the surface.
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